I wonder why in the world I decided to work for a non-profit. There is something so appealing about having a job where you don't have to worry about where your salary is coming from, it is okay to leave work at work and you are not emotionally drained at the end of each day.
So why do I do this? I have to remind myself how my cup overflows when Michael tells me that he misses me or when Katie tells me she loves me. These aren't grand gestures but they are a picture of a love that is unconditional. It's the unexpected hugs, baby steps of improvement and laughter that keeps me coming back.
I don't feel like I have any friends that are peers anymore. I feel as if I have alienated any friend I did have. It's difficult to pour into a new friendship or even to cultivate the friendships I already have when I am emotionally exhausted. I just don't know how to be real with my friends. I am terrified that I am a burden. Most days I just feel like I am in junior high and I am the dorky kid standing alone with their lunch tray waiting for someone to ask me to sit with them. I doubt that feeling will ever go away.
No comments:
Post a Comment