Quiet

I'm trying to embrace sitting still and being quiet. My roommate moved out about a month ago. I turned of the cable because I didn't want to pay for all of our utilities myself and I also thought it would be good for me to not have the TV running all the time. It's so quiet. I'm trying to learn that in the quiet God's voice can be heard. I find myself calling everyone I can so that I can find someone to have dinner with. I hate eating alone. I feel like I am a failure if I eat alone. Food is one of the things that binds people together. In eating alone and embracing the silence, I am forced to understand my Belovedness. Being alone and being quiet doesn't mean that I'm too much for people. I say that, but it is hard to believe it.

I love Henri Nouwen. He struggled with what I struggle with all the time. He once said, "As long as you remain blind to your own truth, you keep putting yourself down and referring to everyone else as better, holier, and more loved than you are. You look up to everyone in whom you see goodness, beauty, and love because you do not see any of these qualities in yourself. As a result, you begin leaning on others without realizing that you have everything you need to stand on your own feet."

I have everything I need to stand on my own feet because of who I am in Christ.
I can embrace being alone.
I can embrace the quiet with full understanding of what the gospel says, that I am beloved.